Hope

Caleb, that is what my precious baby wrote on the top of his paper. Only, it was from the right-hand side of the paper moving across to the left and all the letters were formed in his kindergarten handwriting, completely backwards. In my most calm and unconcerned voice, I praise him "Caleb, you did such a great job writing your name; I am very proud of you." His face beaming with a victorious smile. "When you write your name at school, don't you start from this corner (pointing to the left)?" A confident reply of "No ma'am, Ms. Pantall says we start right here."

This was the first glimpse of backwardness that Caleb showed me, to be followed in a few days by putting the letters of his brother's name on the refrigerator in magnetic letters backwards. After some quick research on the internet, and yes, I know that you should NEVER go to the internet for information, but seriously, what else was I supposed to do in a panic, I came to realize that out of 32 general behaviors and characteristics of a dyslexic, Caleb is a dead-ringer for 16 of them. The report says that most dyslexics would exhibit ten. As I read, goose bumps cover my arms and my heart beats faster; I feel like a window has been opened and the light is shinning for possibly the first time in several years.

I speak to his teachers who do not mention "the word" and encourage me to give him more time to develop. His pediatrician immediately refers me to the dyslexia center in Brentwood. This is where I find my guardian angel and my hope.

Cindy Loftin, by coincidence and not relation, answers my call. She hears all that I have to say and offers many suggestions and encouragement. Her voice is soothing and confident, never concerned or shocked. She confirms that what I have witnessed and explained to her sounds very much like text-book dyslexia but discusses the possibilities and the limitations they have at this time due to Caleb's age and offers direction as to assistance he should receive at school. Then, she begins to give me other warning signs to watch for as he develops over the next year to two. It is this description that catches me completely off guard.

She talks of struggles with reading, reading that is consistently right at or below grade level and frustration that exists in the process. She mentions that teachers might not feel the problem is severe enough to warrant additional support from the school. She warns me that work might begin to become overwhelming and he might become unable to complete the assigned tasks in the allotted time frames even though he is working diligently and is on task. He might continue to spell based on pronunciation versus actual spelling and could possibly excel in math but struggle with word problems.

As her words continue, a picture of someone else very near and dear to my heart is revealed and I sit almost unable to speak. I have to stop her in mid sentence. She is talking about my Russ. My sweet, quiet “Russell” who has struggled and fought his way to 3rd grade. Who spends at least an hour and usually an hour and a half each night on homework and studying that should really probably only take about twenty to thirty minutes. My precious punkin who has continuously told me this year "I'm the dumbest kid in my class" to which I have demanded is absolutely NOT dumb and endlessly encouraged to continue to study hard and be less harsh with himself. This tactic is not really working though, as hard as he is working, he is bringing home grades that should be representative of a student who pays no attention in class and cares very little about his/her work.

I have been at a loss of how to help him; I have cried and been broken-hearted, I have stressed about it with my Mom and with Chris...and now, now this angel has brought hope to us. She has offered a possible solution to his struggles, to both of their struggles. Solutions that will require work, but will provide tools and opportunities for success that are, at this point, evading us. My heart is bursting with emotion. While none of this is in concrete and is completely untested at this point, I just bask in the faithfulness of our Lord who always brings us hope.