The Meeting

Bright and early, well maybe just early, we rolled into Chapman's Retreat Elementary School's parking lot; waiting for our appointment with Russ' teacher the morning after receiving the 4th two-page note (this one type-written) from Caleb's teacher. I'm not even sure we're both awake at this time but I know we're both nervous. Nervous because we're not sure what to expect. Not sure because we've not crossed these bridges before and we're not sure if we're be realistic (I'm sure that Chris is and I'm probably not, but that's beside the point), if we're asking too much, if we're over-reacting (again, I probably am) or if there really is a problem. We only know that this year is turning out to be a very hard year.

Russ works very, very hard at his homework and studying at home; he works harder than I ever did and 100 times harder that Derek does, has and/or ever will. Yet, his grades and frustration level don't reflect his effort and work. He has been blessed with a very kind and gentle teacher this year; one with whom Chris and I were both impressed at open house and who immediately fits us into her schedule to discuss our concerns. We meet her at the front doors of the school at literally, 6:30am before we're heading out for our mini-anniversary trip. I have graded papers in hand, not that I really even know what I'm going to do with them. She smiles that warm and welcoming smile and we try to respond with the same.

Sitting on the couch across from her, I feel like the student, the nervous and anxious student and my heart breaks for my sweet Russy who feels this way every day. She is very quick to remind us of the great transition period between 2nd and 3rd grade and tells of the overall immaturity of this year's 3rd graders in general. There is discussion of it being "early in the year" and "just not getting it yet". She is encouraging in her tone and choice of words. While she discusses all the extra things that we can do to help him, I continue to hear a common theme, the theme is "modify to show success." I am the first, very very first, to pray for my children's success and self-esteem. There are many, many prayers that sound identical to "Lord, please let this be a positive experience for him. Let him feel successful and give him confidence." I do not under any circumstance want any of them, or any other child to feel defeated. However, I am concerned about this modifying everything. "If he can't spell all 15 words, we'll drop him down to 10", "Stop studying so hard, spend 20 - 30 minutes and be done, otherwise, he'll hate school"...this is all good for the moment, but at what point are we going to get beyond the here and now and the feel-good? When are we going to find out what is causing this struggle? When do we begin to help him overcome this obstacle and achieve true success? "We won't let him fail third grade." Thank you, but is that really the worst thing that can happen here? No, I don't think so. The worst thing that can happen here is that we continue to cover-up the underlying issue that is holding him back, frustrating him to his core and causing him to fall farther and farther behind.

Please excuse me while I get up on my soap box and excuse me if I offend you in anyway. My comments are not toward any of Russ' teachers and not toward any teacher that I know. I know that each and every one of his teachers have loved him deeply and they have worked and worked to help him and each year he has made great strides, but at this point, he is realizing he can't do the work the other kids are doing. He needs hero, he needs an answer, he needs someone to step outside of the typical success model and think "one day, Russell Barton Woodard is going to be responsible for taking care of himself, functioning in society, obtaining gainful employment and hopefully, supporting and providing for a family of his own." He and many other children, and there are many of them, are still responsible for 100% of the information and skills that are being taught them, they will still be held accountable for this knowledge but yet, someone somewhere is making it okay for our teachers to "remove" these elements from their daily workload in order to make sure the child(ren) can feel successful and reach the necessary goals to promote to the next level. I appreciate the time and concern that Ms. F spent with us at school I believe that she is genuinely concerned for Russ specifically and wants what is best for him, but our system has taught our teachers to modify until there is success. I want them to go back to teaching until there is success. I have to say that I believe 100% in modification for students who need the modification, but until testing has proven that there is no other option, we need innovative, out-of-the-box teaching that reaches our children where they are an pulls them up to their potential.

I left the meeting more concerned and exhausted than when we entered; not at Ms. F, but at the situation. I am depleted of all thoughts outside of helping my son; the answers we received cannot be the right answers, not at this time anyway. My heart is heavy and my thoughts are leaden with the struggles of my two boys and all they are going through this year...how to help them, how to find the answers, how to be their hero. I am consumed with their needs.

Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens (Psalm 68:19). Without him, my burdens, I could not carry.